What I want and what I can have are so drastically different right now. I'm at a point in my life where I'm supposed to be able to accomplish so of those things I want to do. Between my depression and the household situation I have gone backwards I believe. I want the energy I had about a year ago, I want the motivation I got when my meds were first balanced. I don't have that now... situation has changed and now I'm fighting my previous decisions that aren't jiving with the here and now. I however don't have the means to change things.
I want my daughter to get the help she needs, to work on getting her system in order and working more smoothly. I need her to get on the ball with her own shit and not take her time. Things need to happen in a timely manner. I made the choice to take them in, to help her, to hopefully get her stable with her child in her possession. But in some ways I feel like she is going backwards. And I really need her to step up and work on being able to do the momma thing 24/7 she doesn't believe she can do it alone. I want to show her she can. I need her to really WANT this tho and sometimes I don't feel like she is wanting the same thing. Her disability, DID, is complicated and I have done my best to try and understand it to the best of my ability. Not easy to do however.
My plans to take a vacation in November is not longer an option. :( Don't know if I'll be able to go in April either. Between finances and being needed here. And I still haven't gotten to go visit Kimberly either. :( Can't go to Myschievia even if I had the money for the tickets and stuff. Money, now that is another situation that is going downhill fast. :( I'm starting to worry about how we are going to make it on just my disability and her child support alone. I need to make some adjustments, more than I already have that is. If I had my support it would be easier but then at the same time will complicate things. *sigh*
I feel like I'm sinking fast! :(
