Spending the Holiday mourning a loss

I lost my father Tuesday to a massive heart attack. He had been flown to Lubbock's Coventry hospital's emergency surgical cardiac unit.  They did everything they could and he passed  away, they did their best.

I was already in the process of leaving town to go for a holiday trip which included seeing my Mom and Dad.  Guess you can say things haven't gone as planned.  I'm not sure how to handle any of this.  There were two legs to this trip and weell everything has changed  I will be back thru to be with my mom and brother etc on the 24th, but for now am back in Dallas so my daughter can attempt to get the father to give a shit enough to want to come meet her.... so far it's not happening.

My Cousin died on the same date 31 years ago.  

There is much sadness and deep pain in my chest.

More huge Changes and a Busy Life

Well Life got insane... again... as usual.  Back in April my daughter moved in with me, she was about a month and a half along in a planned pregnancy where the father decided once he saw the sonogram that he wasn't ready for another child after all.  So he went back to his previous girlfriend who he had a child with and got engaged a week later.  Yuppers.... a real wiener!  So anyways, my 25 year old just got a hard dose of reality, hardship and adulthood.  My oldest son and I went back to DFW Texas to gather her and her stuff (as much as we could anyways) and bring her here to ABQ New Mexico.  (Land of Entrapment)  I missed the big Balloon Festival,  I really don't know how other than my sleep schedule was completely off and so I was never awake or out and about during release times.

Once I moved back to this state I remember why I left it back when I was a  young adult.  And I'll tell you what... I'm am soooo sooooo very sick of seeing the words "green chili" that I just want to scream!  Even your major food chains have at least one item on their menu here in ABQ that has "green chili"  OMG these people here are so seriously obsessed with these damn things and I can't stand them hardly at all.

Anyways, the baby was due November 15th and so at least we had some time to prepare.  (as best you can in situations like this)  My daughter has a friend that lives in DFW that wanted to come down and visit, she/they decided that she would be dedicated to being the replacement for the absentee father in a platonic relationship with my daughter and just move here to ABQ permanently.  Basically there were promises made that she would get a job, help me with the bills and then get out and on her own into an apartment.  Well she got the job, paid me $40 on the second paycheck then missed a lot of work for a while.  After she got back to working regularly again she chose to spend all her money on herself or the baby or smokes.  (oh that is another story too!)  She ended up leaving and moving back to Texas not long after the baby was born. Her last paycheck my daughter made her give me some money, I got $40 more.  This friend seemed to have a good head on her shoulders, she talked a good talk but she wasn't able to walk it or didn't want to.  Seems she was not so dedicated as she told my daughter she was after all.

The baby was born a month early, Came on October 17th.  She is an adorable sweet little wee one.  Her name is Katyana. So in all of this starting back around the time the friend moved here, we decided to turn the garage into a temporary bedroom for them.  We are almost done now... "sigh"  months later and many $$$'s that I didn't and don't have.  I'm on a fixed income, SSD and Spousal Support, which my ex is fighting to not follow the decree and is causing problems as usual! Again another long story... that I am sure is going to just keep on happening.

One thing that was supposed to happen once my daughter moved here was that she was going to quit smoking, one for the baby and two for her own health.  That had happened for a little while.  Then when her friend moved her she smoked and boom, back to smoking again.  I had two smokers in my house, and even tho they both smoked outside it was on there clothes, breath, hands when they came back in.  I hated it.  They both promised to quit by working themselves down to a few then stopping.  THAT didn't happen.  My daughter quit again after her friend left, but then two days ago, back to smoking again.  the smell makes me very ill.  She is promising to quit, says she knows it is best for her and the baby and wants to quit.  We'll see.


SO,.. time line, April 24th daughter moved here, August 13th her friend moved here, baby Katyana born October 17th, friend left November 17th.  Weeeee so much fun.  So that is the short of it all... Oh wait also I got the shingles from all the stress and lack of sleep etc.  Weeee 47 and already have to deal with that shit too.  that happened right around the time the friend was leaving.

Well now I'm having to make a trip to DFW so my daughter can take the child to see her father.  Tho he hasn't shown any interest at all and his girlfriend, I mean fiance' does all the talking for him (and I can't stand the little !#$#@. )  More money I do not have.  Wouldn't be as bad if I could get my EX to follow court orders, instead he has decided that the order was written wrong and that it is not what he agreed upon during our "amicable" divorce.  It was only amicable until he got a girlfriend 5 days after moving me out of our home - that I gave him in the divorce.  In the divorce I'm supposed to get a 2% raise in  support every two years.  Well in the decree it states that it goes from his current payroll statement at the time of each raise.  He seems to think we supposedly agreed to 2% of the initial 20% back when we divorced.  He's gotten three 3% raises so he really doesn't want to loose the money and is throwing a little shit fit and saying that I'm not honoring our agreement.  Yup still an asshole.


If I could find a way to Win the Lotto and get rid of having to rely on his support  it would be a wonderful thing.  Unfortunately you have to play to win and the chances are quite slim.  The stress of this most recent issue is not good and I'm worried about another shingles break out.  When I have a break out I can't touch the baby without gloves etc if I've touch anywhere on my skin where the shingles are, plus it's painful... so I really do NOT want it to be back again so soon.  I was lucky to have gotten rid of it as fast as I did the first time.

Well I've written a lot here and need to shut up and pay some bills and get back to working on the garage etc.  Life???   Me???  have my own???  NOT!

Anyways, toodles for now!

Seniors perform amazing Acapella! #DayItForward #Collab

I've always admired Mike's work, but this is beyond awesome.  If this doesn't make you smile... there is something wrong with you.  If it makes you tear up, don't worry, it's just because you have a soft heart... which is a good thing!

GOOD NEWS

My big brother is on the mend and they let him out of the hospital to go home WAY earlier than expected.  Hopefully not too early.  He is on the mend, but in a lot of pain, The ride from Lubbock back to Hobbs was very taxing on his body.  He has two months before he can go back to work and then only light duty.  Someone is going to have to invest in a case of duct tape to keep him restrained.  LOL  Anyways.  good news, just praying for a fast recovery.

Prayers needed..

Many Prayers and help needed: 

So introduction, this is my big brother and his wife.

Tim with Wife Leslie  ---  Go fund me for Time

This is happening... My big brother went into the hospital a week ago because he could hardly draw a breath, at first it was diagnosed as double pneumonia but then found that it was all in one long, they drained over 1000 ml from it. There was an infection, but he started to look like he was doing better yesterday morning except that the white blood count wasn't improving. By dinner time yesterday he took a turn for the worse and today he went to surgery to remove the infection, turned out worse than expected. They cut him basically from breast bone to the back, and found that this "infection" had grown and pushed his lung up and the lung had collapsed. He is not on a ventilator and in ICU for a minimum of 3 days, and will be in the hospital for weeks still. It will be 72 hours before they get the biopsy back. My brother and his wife live in Hobbs, NM and they had to take him to Lubbock Texas for all of this, so his wife is having to stay in a hotel and also drive back and forth to make sure things are taken care of everywhere etc. When this fund was set up, no one knew to what extent his care would be. This is SOOOO much worse than any of us ever expected. And definitely the worst ever Valentines Day for him and his wife. I ask of you, your thoughts, your prayers, your healing energies, what every way possible. If you can and so choose this is the link to the fund that was initially set up for what was thought to be a bit less intense.  The fund goal is only $5k and really they are going to need SOOOO much more.

Go Fund Me for Tim

Go Fund Me for Tim 

This is some seriously scary stuff.

Outside of this/before this... things are going as usual, nothing grand and not getting much done.