So, 2014 is here, so far... it is not starting off any better than 2013.
Same shit, different day! Health issues, financial issues, relationship issues... really, sometimes I have to wonder "why bother". I'm so tired of putting on a smile for everyone around me so "they" are happy with how I am, so I'm not "too negative" for them to deal with. Really, not sure what the point is anymore.
Today being Monday started off just really wonderful! (enter sarcastic tone here) First point, I did not get but maybe four hours of sleep due to my recent onset of insomnia (again) which I'm sure doesn't respond well to the current level of emotional stress stacked on top of it.
Second point, being awaken by a call from Nelnet, attempting to collector for my old student loans, again, even tho they had just received paperwork from me concerning this matter. I've been trying to get that deferment or discharged due to disability but of course they are worse that the SSD on requirements. I had already gone thru this once with the last agency, OSLA, that serviced the loan (prior to Nelnet) who dropped the ball by not attempting to get a reply from the doctor and did not contact me concerning the matter. My previous neurologist did not return a call and I guess they didn't choose to further persue that process. My guess is that they were either being lazy or just assumed that since they didn't get a call back that the doctor was not a real physician. Who knows but either way it was dropped and no one ever attempted to inform me, until of course Nelnet acquired the account.
I just filed forms for "Temporary Total Disability Deferment TTDD" with Nelnet (which they received on the 16th) and it was denied because the loan did not go to "Direct Loans" prior to 1993 (Even tho the loan was acquired in 1990.) Direct Loans is yet another agency who "serviced" the loan. Because it was acquired by Direct Loans in 2003 where they consolidated the loans because they were attempting to lower the debt and payment so that I could pay on it. (Which I did while I was able to work.) My question at this point of course is if this were the case, why didn't they say that to begin with? Why have me fill out forms, have my doctor fill out forms to only be told after the fact that I don't even qualify to file the damn forms!
SO... now they have put it into administrative forbearance (which was supposedly where it was to begin with while I got the TTDD papers done but was not and instead was just showing as deliquent.) They are now sending me forms to fill out to apply for an economic hardship deferment, which will be good for one year from the date prior to the forms being sent to me for TTDD, since I didn't qualify for that. According to them, they did not report this to the credit agencies. (Hopefully that is a true statement since we are attempting to refinance the house so we can lower the payments on it so we can afford my damn medical bills and medications!)
What is really interesting to know is that even tho Nelnet (the servicer of my student loan) services government education loans, the governments decision on my state of disability is not valid enough, so even if I got my SSD awarded, they still will not believe I was disabled!!! Honestly I don't get it, they can look at my records to see the previous paperwork filed on this account. I am baffled that I am STILL fighting all of this. If I were unable to stand for any length of time or sit for any length of time this would pretty much seal the deal, but having brain surgery and subsequent seizures and being under constant medical care for treatment to control them enough to function and communicate at any level on a daily basis is not enough. My doctor filled out the form for TTDD with diagnosis and condition information and expected length of disability (life time) as well as contact information for further questions, but THAT piece of paper is not sufficient. They need another form filled out with more questions and contact information again so that they can call to ask for further information. And then I have to hope that they do not drop the ball like before. I am at my wits end with this whole insane deal, all for an education that wasn't worth the 2 cents for paper the "diploma" was printed on. However, if I were just being lazy and on government assistance, all of this would be a mute point because that appears to be sufficient enough evidence to prove that I'm unable to pay on my loans.
And then if all that wasn't enough to get me riled up and start my day off so wonderfully (again insert sarcastic tone), I walked out to a pile of shit that my dear sweet loving cat, Storm, left for me because the little ass feels that I should follow behind him and immediately scoop any deposits he leaves in the litter box. I have two large litter boxes for two cats in which there was one deposit in one box (covered thanks to the politeness of my other cat Birdie) and then two deposits one covered (again probably by Birdie) and one not... which is by the culprit, Storm. He knows immediately upon my walking out of my bedroom that he is in trouble, (before I even see the pile) and he KNOWS it is bad to do this, and yet, he does it anyway. Now the interesting part of this story is that while on vacation my cats can be cared for once a day and this does not happen. Nor does it happen if I am away and my husband is the one caring for them. But while I'm home whether I'm awake or asleep it does not seem to matter, he feels that I should attend to his deposits instantly. OMG I'm so tired of this neurotic little bastard!
Now I am afraid to even attempt to do anything else for the day, I need to try and get some laundry done, need to attempt to get a few pictures of a recent piece of jewelry I made, need to try and make more jewelry to sell to help pay these damn medical bills that have now almost completely maxed out ANOTHER credit card. Not sure why I bother to even make jewelry, I make less than a half dozen sales a year...if that. I get lots of compliments and people who appear to be interested, but no follow thru. I am so appreciative of the few people who have purchased in the past. Unfortunately, one of my best customers took his own life early last year, he was one who commissioned several pieces. Mostly it's been family who have purchased from me. I also have this customer who is a wonderful lady I met online that probably really can't even afford to buy what she has. (She purchased a few of my macrame bracelets.) I wonder sometimes if the people who are buying are only doing so because they feel sorry for me and not because they think my work is nice and that the people who compliment my work aren't just doing the same thing.
Well, I guess now that I've vented a novel I should probably attempt to eat something, take more medication and try doing the laundry. I need to write a grocery list buy my brain is a bit frazzled so that might be a bit of a challenge. (considering that this post has taken me an hour and a half to write out, read over and correct and read over and correct again, which really makes no sense since no one reads this damn thing anyway. I guess it's just a way for me to release the pent up frustration so that those around me don't have my "negativity" bothering them.
I don't drink alcohol anymore (medications duh) and would have never considered doing so at this time of the day anyway, but right now a strong shot of Jack Daniels or two or a dozen, sounds like a plausible form of treatment for my current state of mind.. But of course that isn't going to happen... more coffee and a bowl of granola... oh yeah.
-signing off
(maybe next time I'll have something more positive to talk about)
