I wish I could say I'm as strong as everyone seems to think I am, but this one is breaking me, tearing at every fiber of my being. I feel like I'm sinking. I keep trying to think of some way to wake up from all of this and it's all a bad dream... problem is... wake up when? 6 months ago, 1 year, 7 years.... and not have surgery , 9 years and not married him, 12 years ago and not moved him to Dallas and started the relationship or all the way back to 1996 and just not met him. I love him so much and I can't imagine him not in my life and want our friendship to survive... but I'm so hurt and betrayed. :(
Songs from the 80's keep popping up that are fitting.... or everywhere I look I see happy couples and marriage and shit like that. I just can't do this shit!
I'm at a point in my life where I wonder if it is worth it. I'm 45, disabled and broken. I'll get up again tomorrow and do it all over again and again and again. For everyone else.
