In Memory

I painted this for my grandma for her 90th birthday last year in May. The large piece of poetry is hers in her hand writing, the smaller mine ... a continuation. I feel this is the best piece of artwork that I've ever created.   There was a big celebration and a lot of her friends and most all of the family made it there to celebrate with her.  It was so wonderful getting to see her again. 

I'm posting this because sadly she passed away last night.  Things had gotten hard on her over the past several months and these last weeks were really bad.  She is at peace now and no longer in pain.  She was one of the most loving and giving people I've ever known and I never heard her say an unkind word to anyone.  She was involved in many things, a member of the Red Hat Society, every ladies group in the church she could manage and up until a couple years ago even aerobics!  She worked hard all her life and brought many many smiles to those around her.  She had a great talent for writing and I am hoping to be able to get to read some of that soon!

She will be missed greatly by a great many people who all loved her so very dearly.

I love you Grandma!

Monday Gloom

I've been a funk for a while, my health has given me some issues and I'm soooo tired of that being the case.  I want answers and I want fixed.  I know that I am asking for more than what is possible but who wouldn't want to be "normal" again.   Surgery was four years ago and I was told then that I'd be good as new four weeks after surgery, yeah I know I should be over that by now, but I'm not.  I'm angry and resentful towards that doctor and the surgery and the fact that I have fought tooth and nail all this time.  I need to work at least part time or have income that is equal to my working part time.  When I applied for disability they denied me (of course) but then when I tried to get help fighting that decision via a disability attorney they wouldn't touch me because of my age and basically told me that if I can read and talk on the phone then I was employable and therefore not disabled enough for them to take my case.  THAT is frustrating.  

I have used art as a tool to heal over the past 3 and a half years or so and I need to get back to that, but its hard when I feel guilty because I should be looking for a job or working a job etc.  SO now I'm not doing the art and I'm feeling the effects of that and beginning to sink back into myself again.   NOT a good thing.

My husband is getting better and my relationship is on the mend with him after all of this and now I'm letting him down again because my health is a problem and the expense of that is hard enough on us but without my working its like a double whammy.  :(    He made a comment the other day about if we don't get me to the doctor and get me fixed then our financial situation can't get better.  But it costs us money to get me to the doctor and then they order tests and crap and costs more money and in the mean time I'm not bringing in a single penny.  :(    Then there is the possibility that the issues continue to get worse and that means not working too.  I get to the point where I feel like its never gonna be better.  The only solution other than some miracle that I get cured miraculously over night is for us to come into some large sum of money and that isn't going to happen either.  I can't possible make enough money to supplement our income with my jewelry and art even if I spent all my time doing it because no one wants to buy my stuff.  :(   Really I'm just not feeling a bit worthy at all these days.

Okay... this is what blogs are for right... rambling when you need to ramble.  Sorry if it isn't upbeat and positive and artsy today!   

Mimosa brunch

I haven't posted anything here recently.... hmmm guess it might be because I've been in a sort of funk.  My 19 year old daughter just moved from being local to being 1100 miles away and I was overly stressed and worried about the long drive there and her getting there safe and sound, her car making it, etc.  BUT .... also.... her being so far away is going to be hard for me... She and I are very close and I miss her dearly already.  I hope things work out well for her there tho. 

Then yesterday I went to a friend's for a Mimosa brunch.  It was a blast, we spent all day together, us three gals, one guy and a couple of rowdy playful young doggies.  We munched and drank and played Portal 2 on the Xbox.  Which I've never played on the XBox...  I'm a geek but I play on my games on the PC these days!  It was fun.  I got a chance to crawl out of my worries for a bit. 

Time to get back to life and try and get some motivation and inspiration going tho.  I gotta get some money coming in!  Get a job and sell some art and jewelry etc.     Till next time.... hope all is well with anyone who keeps up with this old boring gal.