So, a year ago I weighed 10 lbs less than I do now, then I tried KETO and lost almost 10 pounds and was so happy that it was working until I got a kidney stone. The doctor told me that it is common with people on KETO diets. SO I went off the diet and promptly gained back the 10 pounds and then some, then I went on a calorie restriction diet, doc said 1400 calories. I kept a journal of every single thing I ate or drank. I merely maintained my weight at that point. Then some shit hit the fan and I had a family emergency and in the process was not following a diet for almost 3 weeks and gained another 10 pounds. :( Now I'm fighting again to lose the weight but now I have almost 40 pounds to lose total. I feel like I'm destined to be my mother, who is considerably overweight and followed similar patterns of weight gain in her life. I'm currently at 182 and I want to be 140-145. My depression has been bad due to a multitude of things and then the weight gain on top of that just makes me miserable. On top of everything I seem to be hungry all the time right now. :(
My diet is restricted due to feeding two other mouths that have their own restrictions. I have my daughter living with me who has a restricted diet and needs to have carbs to absorb fat because she doesn't have a gall bladder and foods with ANY fat go straight thru within 5 minutes of eating it almost. So I can't go back on KETO even if it weren't the cause of the kidney stone. I can do low fat but then there's the carbs. I want to feel like I've eaten when I eat food, not like I just teased myself with a few bites. I still wonder if my meds are adding to the weight gain and appetite. I really did better when I had less meds ... BUT my depression changed and now I don't know what to do to combat the never ending circle. The more weight I gain the more depressed I get and so it is a vicious cycle.
Oh and exercise is almost impossible for me because of this stupid broken body of mine. I have both knees messed up now, one is REALLY bad, the other is start to go now. I can't put weight on a bent knee at all. And my back is messed up on top of it. (In my mind I can do so much more than my actual body will let me, which is really depressing too!) I WAS going to do a CORE membership and start working out and do water aerobics but now I can't afford to do that.
I'll start bowling once a week and honestly can't afford that either but it is a way for me to get out of the house for sanity sake, get a little exercise and be outwardly social. Which is what my doc and therapist have been wanting me to do.
Now on another note, life with my daughter and granddaughter in the house is challenging at times but could be worse. I am having to train them both. My daughter was recently diagnosed with D.I.D. (formerly known and multiple personality disorder). It's definitely an adjustment, I find it hard to understand sometimes. I'm trying to be as supportive as possible and kind of go with the flow. My daughter managed to make a video on Tic Toc that went a slight bit viral (for her) and now she is obsessed with making more videos to raise awareness for people who suffer from DID. I think it is wonderful that she has created a support network and making friends etc but at the same time when she is doing all those things she is not caring for her daughter and I am. I'm not supposed to be the primary care giver here. In fact I'm Nana, I help on occasion and well occasionally is beginning to get a little too frequent and long.
Well I think I've ranted about myself enough for today. Hopefully I'll have something more positive to share soon.
