A day full of emotions

Waking up after a long night of much needed rest.    I definitely feel better rested.  My body is for the most part in agreement with me on this.  I have a couple of things I want to accomplish for the day, nothing major, just get a trip to the local farmers market for vegetables and then to the evil Walmart for a few other items.  I decide to go see a friend first, a little company is always a good thing these days, I tend to get quite lonely.  Being a people person turned hermit is very difficult some days.  

http://www.joanmarieart.com

The mail arrives and there is my beautiful print of a painting by Joan Marie.   I’m creating a custom piece of jewelry for her, using this piece as the focal point.

My knee is bothering me quite a bit, but I figure it won’t be too bad, I’ve been dealing with it this long, no big deal.   SO I have myself banana for breakfast, watch a set of videos that leave me contemplating the worlds view of the human body.  Have a light lunch of half an avocado (small one even) a serving of cottage cheese and a few tortilla chips.  I then set off on my journey to go a whopping 10.1 miles that usually takes me about 10-15 minutes to drive.   I ended up driving for almost a full hour and 19.1 miles, thank you to the sweet lady in the little red car, the guy in the red truck, an 18 wheeler and 3 missed exits, OH … and the wonderful world of DFW construction.    I did finally get to my friends house, we went to the markets, two of them, got lots of good fresh veggies, then off to Walmart where I was again given a test in patience and control.  

My confidence in humanity has been lowered today.  Tho I would like to say thank you to the random driver of a black SUV that did give me courtesy and let me out of the parking lot of the Colleyville Farmers market.  (There are still a few kind people out there!)   

I am fighting many emotions today tho, frustration in the pain in my knee from simply driving and walking.  But at least I have surgery scheduled for that next Wednesday.  Hopefull y after I recover from that I will have a little better mobility and less pain.

 Frustration that I am so limited in my physical abilities right now that my yard looks terrible and I am not able to put the work into that I so desperately want to, I enjoy yard work, I want a pretty yard.  I instead of weeds again and overgrown grass and untrimmed hedges etc. 

Irritation in that I am so scatter brained that I can’t focus on things that I need to do, want to do and would even enjoy doing!  I have all these brainstorming ideas, but then I don’t get them written down and even when I do, then there they sit, on a list, buried under all the other things I put on some sort of a list to later be accomplished. 

Then when I have the drive and/or motivation, my head gets in the way with the pain and lightheadedness and other crap that no one seems to be able to explain, diagnose or treat yet.  I am frustrated in my memory, in that I have now forgotten several of the other things I wanted to journal about.  SO… guess I’m done here.  

May and hello June

Well, the month of May was a very busy month with lots and lots of things to keep me busy.  I went to spend time with my oldest daughter at Fort Belvoir, just south of Washington D.C.  Got to spend 2 weeks with her and her hubby and the four amazing and beautiful grand children!  I miss them so much already!   My daughter was having surgery and so my being there was to help her out so she could get in some recovery time.  She is an amazing woman, and even more amazing mother to those wonderful children.  She is also one really amazing daughter, I missed so much during her childhood (long story short, her father had custody and kept me from her).  She and I have developed a bond that NO ONE will ever break now!  

Also, in May, those amazing little kitties continued to grow and bounce and play while I was away.  I came back to this much bigger babies.  Then we found a home for two of the three and the third is staying here with us!  Birdie is my little snuggle fluff baby.  She is quite an amazing little creature herself, tho I have to say, my legs and her have a unique relationship that I would soon like to END.   I have some serious wounds from this little one.  She likes to jump onto my legs while I have them propped up under my keyboard tray and well, a lot of the times she doesn't land well and then uses claws to get where she wants to go.  Needless to say, the blood and me are not happy.

Art has been in the background of my mind lately.  Been working towards getting health issues under control, getting the disability stuff filed again.  I got sick right after returning home, thanks to the wonderful man who sat next to me on the plane trip from Fort Lauderdale to Dallas for his generosity in sharing his Yankee cold!  UGH.  (I helped him open his NyQuil while he made himself a hot tottie with hot tea and a Jack Daniels, no lemon tho... they didn't have any.) This darn cold has really held on tight.  I got over the main part of it and can't seem to shake the cough and congestion.  I need to get over it so my system is strong enough to deal with the next step, which is that I am having arthroscopic knee surgery on the 20th of June. It is to clean out the joint again so that maybe I can work on the physical therapy to strengthen the muscles around the knee and have more mobility!

I have so many things that I want to do, so many things that I need to do, things that need to be done, things I don't wanna do.... my motivation and energy are really low tho and I am fighting daily to get moving.  Gotta get over this SICK.

Oh and a small rant (I'll try to keep this short!)  My soon to be FORMER neurologist, Dr. Ortstadt, has turned out to be what I sensed all along, a real jerk and of NO help to me in any way shape fashion or form.  He never really paid any attention to my files/records.  Spent evidently zero time reading things, just sent me for tests and read the "reports" and then made his little snap judgement of what the problem seems to be.  He decided that a diagnosis is not necessary, nor is any real treatment evidently.  When I asked him to possibly write a letter to for my attorney for my disability he answered with some seriously rude words.  I am NOT at all happy with this and am now set up to see a NEW neurologist.  I will NEVER set foot back into Ortstadt's office again!   And now every time I experience an episode and all the pain hits I just wish I had a way to transfer that to Dr. "don't know how to change your perception" ... my perception is that I am in pain, that I have difficulty functioning at times due to these "episodes", that I can't even see straight or walk straight due to this crap and OMG I could go on.  I'll stop now tho!   I really have restrained from returning a letter of displeasure, because it will not effect the man.  He probably wouldn't even read it anyway.  He spent all of a total of maybe 30 minutes with me divided into two office visits over the past 8 months, Yeah, 2 appointments, one in October and one in April.  Wonder why I can't get better!!!????   I need someone who is going to give a shit, who is going to be willing to go the extra mile to find answers, someone who CARES about my being in pain and what is causing it.  I need a REAL doctor.  I'm tired of not being important enough to take up space in their minds.  I can only imagine the money these guys make, so they have no idea what it is like anymore to struggle.  Frustrating to say the least!




Okay, so with all that... I will hush my mouth now.  I need to go find food!