Tears pouring non stop

Picture by VodooClown on Deviant Art - http://vodooclown.deviantart.com/art/Rain-30074195

I'm so lost... I can't look in any direction, can't breath a breath, think a thought without it hurting.  I want to speed up time so that I'm thru this "tween" time and out of the house and in an apartment.  I know the stuff around me will still be the "ours" stuff.  But damnit.... I can't handle this and I feel like I'm drowning in my own tears.  

I spent my life standing on my own two feet, knowing that I could fight and get what I needed for me and my children.  I didn't have to depend on others, tho I did have to drop pride on occasion and ask, but gave back in return.  Now I am facing a life of some indefinite time period of being supported by my "husband" to be ex husband and the government IF my disability finally gets approved.  Last chance on that one.  Today I realized that my husband feels like we are going to be living on some sort of even level.  I don't know where he is getting his numbers but they sure as heck are the same ones I'm getting.  And the laws only cover so much anything past that is charity.  (which I am sure may happen at first but won't last long!)

I'm so hurt ... so destroyed ... so lost ... don't know how to breath ... all I can do is cry.