My weight loss/gain journey... SUCKS!

So, a year ago I weighed 10 lbs less than I do now, then I tried KETO and lost almost 10 pounds and was so happy that it was working until I got a kidney stone.  The doctor told me that it is common with people on KETO diets.  SO I went off the diet and promptly gained back the 10 pounds and then some, then I went on a calorie restriction diet, doc said 1400 calories.  I kept a journal of every single thing I ate or drank.  I merely maintained my weight at that point.  Then some shit hit the fan and I had a family emergency and in the process was not following a diet for almost 3 weeks and gained another 10 pounds.  :(   Now I'm fighting again to lose the weight but now I have almost 40 pounds to lose total.  I feel like I'm destined to be my mother, who is considerably overweight and followed similar patterns of weight gain in her life.  I'm currently at 182 and I want to be 140-145.  My depression has been bad due to a multitude of things and then the weight gain on top of that just makes me miserable.  On top of everything I seem to be hungry all the time right now.  :(

My diet is restricted due to feeding two other mouths that have their own restrictions. I have my daughter living with me who has a restricted diet and needs to have carbs to absorb fat because she doesn't have a gall bladder and foods with ANY fat go straight thru within 5 minutes of eating it almost.  So I can't go back on KETO even if it weren't the cause of the kidney stone.  I can do low fat but then there's the carbs.  I want to feel like I've eaten when I eat food, not like I just teased myself with a few bites.  I still wonder if my meds are adding to the weight gain and appetite.  I really did better when I had less meds ... BUT my depression changed and now I don't know what to do to combat the never ending circle.  The more weight I gain the more depressed I get and so it is a vicious cycle. 

Oh and exercise is almost impossible for me because of this stupid broken body of mine.  I have both knees messed up now, one is REALLY bad, the other is start to go now.  I can't put weight on a bent knee at all. And my back is messed up on top of it.  (In my mind I can do so much more than my actual body will let me, which is really depressing too!)   I WAS going to do a CORE membership and start working out and do water aerobics but now I can't afford to do that. 

I'll start bowling once a week and honestly can't afford that either but it is a way for me to get out of the house for sanity sake, get a little exercise and be outwardly social.  Which is what my doc and therapist have been wanting me to do.

Now on another note, life with my daughter and granddaughter in the house is challenging at times but could be worse.  I am having to train them both.   My daughter was recently diagnosed with D.I.D.  (formerly known and multiple personality disorder).  It's definitely an adjustment, I find it hard to understand sometimes.  I'm trying to be as supportive as possible and kind of go with the flow.   My daughter managed to make a video on Tic Toc that went a slight bit viral (for her) and now she is obsessed with making more videos to raise awareness for people who suffer from DID.  I think it is wonderful that she has created a support network and making friends etc but at the same time when she is doing all those things she is not caring for her daughter and I am.  I'm not supposed to be the primary care giver here.  In fact I'm Nana, I help on occasion and well occasionally is beginning to get a little too frequent and long.

Well I think I've ranted about myself enough for today.  Hopefully I'll have something more positive to share soon.

Gonna try and return to blogging for a while. :D It's only been 2 1/2 years.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooo,   Lots of things have changed since I last posted anything.   I moved again, not really a move I wanted to make but one I had to make due to some messed up circumstances.  :(   I did however want out of ABQ, I just didn't want to land back in my home town.  Bleh.  BUT, on a positive note, I have a home and a yard and now a dog!!!  :D 

However recently, two weeks ago, my daughter and granddaughter moved in with me during a family emergency and now I'm trying to figure out life again.   It seems every time I get mildly adjusted to my surroundings and life and changes, something happens to turn things upside down.  But we'll figure this out.   My granddaughter will be 3 yrs old in two months.  Gotta love those 2's.  LOL   Overall she is a really good kid and is doing better now that she and her mom are in a safer, cleaner and more structured environment.  :)

Me, well looks like I may start on a bowling league on Tuesday evenings.   I'm hoping it's coed just so I have a chance to meet people of both sexes.  (I tend to just get along better with men in general because I'm such a tom boy.)  I really can't afford it but I'm giving up a few other things to make it happen because I need the exercise and socialization.   My therapist and psych will be happy to hear that I'm being social and getting exercise.  I'm just hoping I can keep it up and hopefully bowl really well too!  :)

On another note I have a lot of different projects I want to do and well some of them are now on hold due to finances or space.   I also had some travel plans but those are probably going to be put off as well.  :(  Sucks but such is life in my world.

OH and I'm STILL battling my ex for support.  He's now lost a couple of times and we are in the enforcement stage again.  Fingers crossed this time he just cooperates and we can avoid the court battle.  I'm not sure I can look at him in person another time.   It took all I had to keep to myself the last time.  I'm not lowing myself to his level tho.   His lies have grown and changed and now he is claiming to have Asperger syndrome and is on the spectrum AND ... that at the time of the divorce he was supposedly having suicidal thoughts. etc. 

His story changes like people change underwear.  I just wonder what he tells other people.   I guess it bothers me a lot because I have nightmares about losing all my friends because of his mouth and story telling and me not being there to defend myself.  I had a rough dream last night about it and woke up very upset and I do not like starting my day that way. 

Well that is it for now, I'm hoping to get some art and/or jewelry made soon.  Maybe even make a video.  :)

If you are reading this, thanks for sticking with me during my long absence.  :)